Bailey James Braithwaite

☆ღ Bailey James Braithwaiteღ☆


*☆*B*☆*A*☆*I*☆*L*☆*E*☆*Y*☆*

Bailey completed our Family when he was Born after a difficult pregnancy at 34 weeks, weighing
5lb's
He spent his first few weeks in the Neonatal Unit due to his prematurity and after a difficult start
he came home to us after 19 days.. Bailey was a good baby, He started sucking his thumb at 3 Months
which was soo cute, I didnt want him to have a dummy like his brothers because they was hard to get
off them and Bailey was breast fed so I didnt want him confused between the breast and Dummy
Baileys Problems started when he turned 15 weeks, He has an apnea attack in his sleep.. I will
remember that day forever, My son was Blue.. After a few Minutes tickling his feet, rubbing his
chest to stimulate him, He took a gasp.. I was on the phone to the ambulance at the time and I could
hardly speak, There was only me and the kids in the house.. The ambulance arrived and wisked us to
the hospital where Bailey underwent an X-Ray, he was stabalised with oxygen.. After a few days all
his results were back.. Bailey had bronchil Pnemonia, The docters showed me his X-Rays compared to a
healthy babys, and there words were, A child having lungs like this, needs to be on a ventalator..
But Bailey was proving them wrong, He only needed to stay in a oxygen chair, He stayed in hospital
for 12 days
This was the start of our battle with Bailey.. Whilst he was growing up, Learning to smile, Eat
food, He endured numerous hospital visits and docters vists.. Bailey continued to have a problem
with his breathing, It sounded like he was a train some times..
Throughout his problems though he thrived, Became a handsome young Child.. Bailey charmed most
people who got to know him.. He learnt to sit up at 6 Months, He started crawling at 10 Months..
Fashionably late by means as his brothers was crawling at 8 and 9 Months, But he had a crawl that
made everyone laugh, we called it the commando crawl, Bless him.. Just 2 weeks before he fell poorly
he started to crawl properly and then there was no Stopping him
30th May 2008, Bailey had yet another attack, just like before he was asleep.. I checked on him and
he was blue/Grey, so we whisked him up, as soon as we got there he had perked up and with a little
help of oxygen in the accident and emergency department he was back to smiling and laughing..
Because of the frequency this was happening, Back in April 2008 it was decided Bailey would undergo
further testings, Sleep Monitering, Possibly a camera down his throat whilst asleep to see if his
airways was closing, Oxygen Monitering whilst asleep.. Yet come 30th May non of that had been done
still.. So they decided to keep him in for observation and do the Oxygen Monitering.. It was plain
and simple, a probe attached to his toe whilst asleep and this would read out what his oxygen was
like.. On 2 occasions though his oxygen dipped to under 90% one being just 79%, anything under 92%
requires oxygen I was told.. Yet I was fobbed off, They told me ailey was in a deep sleep.. This is
what kept happening at home, and it was proven on his reading, They chose to do nothing about it..
The moniter was kept on for 24 hours then, On the evening of 31st May, Bailey was disharged WITHOUT
an examination from the docter on duty.. He was still rattling through his breathing but again, just
give him his inghalers/Nebulisers he will be fine

Except he wasnt and just 2 hours after being dishcharged, Bailey had another apnea attack
This part I will always be guilty off.. Just 45 Minutes earlier Bailey had come off his apnea
moniter at home, He had rolled onto his front and was asleep, so I turned the Moniter off.. and
walked away.. Instead of letting Bailey sleep, I got him out of his cot, Put on his coat.. He was
Extremely white in colour, I thought he was off colour and to this day it will haunt me forever, We
took a walk to the shop and it was then I realised the full horror that I should have seen before..
My son was not breathing.. I ran to the shops whilst on the phone to the ambulance.. The staff in
there was great, they started cpr on Bailey, within Minutes the Ambulance was there.. Ok I admit I
wasnt in a mess because I had seen this time and time before, Bailey always came through it, I knew
he would be ok.. Except he wasnt, The ambulance called the Control, and said 11 Month old baby in
Cardiac Arrest.. Thats when I broke down, It felt like they wasnt helping my baby, he was just sat
there slowly getting his things out the bag, I do remember shouting "well arnt you going to help him
then" The Other ambulance arrived and took a slow drive to the hospital again I was angry they wasnt
getting there sooner, My son was in trouble and all they could do was drive at 20 Miles an hour
Arriving at hospital to be met with a team waiting for Bailey, to be taken to the relative room, I
knew it was bad.. I wanted to be with my son, They let me, thats when Mark came in, Baileys daddy..
Seeing him hurt even more because I had done this, it was my fault our son was fighting for his
life.. My fault for just turning his moniter off and walking away.. I'll never ever forgive myself
for that and one day I hope and pray I'll be punished for it.. How can A Mother do that

Bailey was in cardiac arrest for nearly an hour, they fought and fought, they wouldnt give up.. I
Then heard they got his heart beat bck but he was seriously poorly and needed to be transfered to
another hospital that can care for sick Children, He was transfered to Leicestor CICU Where he
carried on fighting for 5 days.. In that 5 days We had some hope, His colour was coming bck, he
started to wee and Pooh, they even tried him on Some milk through his ng tube.. After 3 days in that
hospital, came the news No parents should get.. " Im sorry " Theres nothing else we can do" We got
to look at Baileys brain scan results and the damage from being starved without oxygen was just too
much, Our little boy was never coming back... On the wednesday 3rd they advised us it would be in
Baileys best Intrest to turn his support off and they would look at taking him off on the friday
after they had done some more Investigations, More scans and X rays etc.. We couldnt belive what
they was saying, On the friday it was our other sons Birthday, If Bailey was going to die, it
couldnt be on his birthday.. So we called my parents to get them to come up to be with us, and asked
the docters if Bailey showed more signs of giving up, then we would turn the support off the
Thursday.. Late that Night though Bailey got even worse, His blood preasure dropped to a point he
didnt have one, I didnt think he would last the night.. But to our amazement he wasnt ready and
stayed with us right through to Thursday.. My parents arrived quite early and we spent the day
together, Talking praying I guess that when we went bck to the ward we would have better news..
At 10am, Bailey was taken down for one last CT Scan on his chest, The results came bck at 1pm. We
was pulled aside and asked if Bailey had ever had bronchilities, Yes we said when he was 3 Months
old, They told us Bailey had Bronchilities Libiterate, but only traces of it, and they couldnt be
sure if it was nough to cause him to stop breathing in the first place as they had only seen 5
case's of it including Bailey. At 3.30pm Bailey had his 1st Brain scan.. He failed.. He had to have
2 tests done before they could declare him brain dead.. So an hour later he had another.. I watched
this time, willing when they took him off life support, To breath, I held my own breath in the hospe
he would just take one small one to show us he wasnt giving up.. But he didnt, They did further bits
that completes the test then we all had a talk.. I remember my dad just broke down, again we was
told nothing but the machienes was keeping Bailey alive... They left us for a few Minutes before
returning.. The nurse slowly took the plaster off Baileys face, Removed the tube from his mouth and
gently placed my son in my arms, where just Minutes later he died.. It was 16.57pm
Those next 2 hours was hard, I helped to wash and dress my son, Then walk with him and a nurse to
carry my son to the Morgue where he would undergo further tests to determine how and why he died..
After 4 days, we went bck to see Bailey and he wasnt there, he was a spirit in the sky.. I will
never forget the look on Baileys face, there was no smile, just a look of Im out of pain now Mummy

August 26th 2008
My son was still In leicestor, today was the day we got the all clear and Bailey was coming
home...His post mortem results was inconclusive, no cause of death was found.. How can a 11 Month
old boy just die.. I didnt understand and We had to have an inquest to find out more answers..

19th September 2008
We gave our little boy the best send off we could do, It was the most hardest day in all my life
watching them lower my sons carriage in the ground..Utter heartbreak, I wouldnt wish it upon
anyone..

We had 2 poems for Bailey read out at his funeral..



You came to us for a little while
We'll never forget your little smile
God took away our baby brother
In our hearts there'll be no other
So here's our final chance to say
We'll love and miss you everyday
Goodbye little Bailey, we don't know why
God took you away up in the sky
As me and Bradley play together
We'll never forget our baby brother
Loads of love
Cameron and Bradley your Big Brothers xXx





*♥* We thought you'd never leave us
Thought you'd never go
We promised we'd always protect you
But now we'll never know *♥*

*♥* We made so many promises
That now we cannot keep
The thought of you apart from us
Makes us wep and weep and weep *♥*

*♥* When we remember the way you smiled at us
A tear fills up our eyes
Because we knew you'd rather be here with us
Than with Jesus in the sky *♥*

*♥* When we saw you the very last time
You were so peaceful, you felt no pain
We know you're up there looking over us all
Now you're eyes are closed, never to open again *♥*

*♥* So Bailey be peaceful wherever you are *♥*
Love Mummy and Daddy xxxx

3rd Febuary 2009
Today was yet another hard day to face, Baileys inquest. I wont go into full details as its still
too hard but it was said that Bailey was a healthy, fit and well looked after child and no cause of
death was found.. An open verdict was given.. They did say because Bailey had life support
intervention this is why they couldnt give a verdict of sids.. They didnt even mention about the
hospital visit the day before he became poorly, about his sats going down, I asked the docter why he
didnt examine my son before being disharged.. His Response.. IT WOULDNT HAVE MADE A DIFFERENCE.. I
still belive it would had he had heard his chest, they could have kept him in hospital another
night, he would have been there when he stopped breathing, He would have got the help he needed
quicker.. The docter who told us Bailey had Bronchilities Libiterate, denied his claims of telling
us this, even though he also pulled my dad aside to tell him.. This is because Baileys post mortem
reveleaved NOTHING, no virus, No Ill Health in anyway.. I still belive some one somewhere are hiding
something, because he should have had tests and treatment long before he died, I WILL FIGHT FOR
ANSWERS when Im stong enough


If I had one wish, that would be to have my little boy back here with us, If I was told he could
come home but I would have to sacrifice something, I would jump at the chance, Just to see my little
boy again.. I miss him more than any one can imagine, I may seem strong to the outside world, But
inside Im breaking and Each minute of the day I think about him and the things he could be doing, He
is a heartbreaker to me and his smile is so infectious, If only I could see that smile once again,
It would make me the happiest Mummy around..
I love you Bailey James, Your my world and always will be x Sleep tight amongst the clouds until Its
my time to be with you, Then we will be together again, Like Mum and son should be x

Where did your beautiful smile go Bailey xXx

Where did that smile go?
The one you saved for me.
A smile between Mother and Son,
There for the world to see.

Created in an instant,
At the moment of your birth.
A smile that warmed your soul,
And gave me Heaven on earth.

Where did that smile go?
The one that was mine alone.
I cannot seem to find it.
It isn't in our home.

I've looked everywhere in your room,
I've hunted high and low.
I'm feeling lost without it.
I really miss it so.

Where did that smile go?
The one that could melt my heart,
I would have hidden you away
If I'd known we'd have to part.

It’s lonely here without you,
It’s a shadow life I lead,
And tucked in every moment,
Is a sad and painful need.

Where did that smile go?
The one where love shone through,
Where each day was very special
If I shared that day with you.

That smile is now my comfort;
It's in my very soul.
That smile is breathing life,
To fill an empty hole.

It isn't in your bedroom.
A silly place to start.
That smile has never left me
It's living in my heart.

I would just like to say, a Big thankyou to the staff at the spar shop who was on duty that evening,
The ambulance Crew, and the staff especially Michelle at Leicestor CICU, Michelle came in on her day
off to make sure Bailey was with someone who had looked after him whilst his stay there, I will
never forget that.. It made it all the more easier having someone who had cared for Bailey right to
the end
And A Big thankyou to our Family Gp.. Docter KA Collet, This gp tried in vein to get Baileys
breathing difficulties under control, He listened, he was there, for us all, before and after
Baileys death, So Thankyou

I would also like to say a really big thankyou to my parents for doing all they have xXx

And a big thankyou to everyone I have made friends with on gonetoosoon, Your support has helped me
so much throughout the last 16 Months.. Its really appreciated to know people do care and are
support others whilst dealing with there own grieve
Lots of love to you and your angels xxx